I invented a dance it is called the velociraptor.

2003-11-09 - 5:01 p.m.

M you may or may not want to read this. Trust me if you are angry by the time you finish reading this I didn't say what i had to say accurately or clearly enough i wrote this as well as i could because it came out quickly. Plus I can't spell today or anyday for that matter, forgive me..

Okay so i made a survey and i got one reply and actually i guess that is all i really needed and i was in the process of changing the names to protect the innocent went i decided since i kept missing names i should actually read the entries. Thus i was reading my entries from last year and i seemed so much more intellegent and able to deal for myself.. I realized something that i may not have before i am a very dependent person which is not a admirable quality to have (personally). I also think that all my relationships thus far have really been based on more shallow things than i would like to admit. All of are beautiful women (at least to me), also i was not friends with any of them before i liked them and also shamefully i liked them purely initially based on the physical. But then i developed what i believe was more intense feelings based on personality at least with two of them. M is different she was my friend first. My good friend. I met M last year in my english class when i commented to the teacher about the subject under discusion having no relevance to english and that perhaps he should have been a history teacher instead (yeah i am very very out spoken but he had it coming). She though that it was cool that i wasn't afraid of him and we started talking before english class and then i noticed she had bio with me. And we would sit and talk during the hour before bio lecture about music and our stupid english professor and i would make up stupid little silly songs about how therapist is really "the.. rapist, and i don't like him because he is a woman who drives a green van too fast can't get a tan." :( i loved those days... then things got kinda complicated.. obviously by me and my raging, raging, raging hormones... I think it all went down like this M wasn't doing to well with her final paper, Me being the english snob/fan i am offered to help her out. she seemed to need it, as she tends to give up easily when things get frustrating because she thinks she can't do it, but i (know/)knew she (can/)could do it. So i spent an evening helping her rewrite her paper as I had nothing to do myself homework-wise and i was enjoying her company (I still do). The later that week i was having some emotional termoil with my ex-girls and i called M, sorta really early in the morning (for a college student i think it was like 9:30)and asked her to come over and she showed up quick like a rabbit. She had just woke up and still had sleep in her eyes but she looked beautiful to me at that moment, absolutely beautiful. she was soo kind to me. She sat with me for what must have seemed like an eternaty to her but only a second to me. Later that day (after we had both cleaned up) we decided we would go and get a late lunch at one on the residence halls. When she arrived at my door i couldn't help but be totally blown away by what she was wearing [a awesome skirt with a low cut top, she had never worn that kind of outfit before according to my memory and before i knew her i would see her a lot, she usually (wears/)wore baggy pants and a tank-top though not a low cut tank]. I felt really weird my mind was like "B you have a crush on your best friend at school!!!!" And we sat and talked outside for hours again it only felt like we had been talking for a few minutes.. that is when it all started and M knew it too. My feelings for M are different from any feelings i have ever felt for anyone. i know, i have probably said that before. But in all honesty i think they are. They are not based just on how beautiful she is. They are also based on what a wonderful person she is and how much i love that person. M if you are reading this i hope you know that i care and i love you and i would do anything for you. i think we have a lot to talk about and i need to think about what this means for me and my girl. Because i do have a girlfriend and i love her too or am i confusing beauty with love... :/ ////// <3 u M.

.trip. - .fall. - .bounce. - .ashes ashes . - .we all. - .fall down.

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Don't Make Me Hug Myself, I'll Do It!


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Get hugs of your own

............................................................................................I trail off in one sentence out of five

..........................................................................and the rest of the time I just.....

.......................................................................................................................mumble...............................................

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