I invented a dance it is called the velociraptor.

Don't be a ghost... leave a note, comment or hug below... thanks! AND IF you think you're too important to leave a comment or hug or what have you, you should know you aren't... so Ghost traffic go away. If you don't like what you see either A) close your eyes and pray it disappears or B) get over it. If you don't have anything nice or at least constructive to say please leave my diary now. The nice and/or constructive comment/sentiment/etc doesn't necessarily have to be about me or this crap of a journal... so whatever...be nice. OH and "fall" will lead you to older entries...

2003-05-02 - 11:54 p.m.

I wrote this crappy songish poem about AL and SP today.

Push me off of you,

Split us back into who we were before

So you may see what i have done to you, what i did to you that night

I convinced you that there was hope,

Betrayed your love for me, gave in without a fight,

I decieved you and left you alone to cope,

Forgot your touch how it changed this place where i stand,

Allowing the beasts to tear out your throat and place it in my hands.

So i can claim i never understood the things you said, you did.

You put me in your heart where i have longed to be,

Now i'm just trying to sneek out, and if i'm careful maybe i can leave, what's left of you, intact.

I'll never understand all that you see

I paint a pretty picture so i guess that you can't tell, underneath this colorful imagary it's just all consuming black and grey in overwhelming one-dimesional-ity

I'll never be enough

either or i'll just fall shorter than short. After everything i put you through

please turn away resist my grip which pulls you under me.

Today was my last day of classes that means i have finals next week and which also means next week i will be saying goodbye to AL for the summer. She says she wants to visit me, but i know she shouldn't. She will be working and getting ready for the realness of life beyond that of the undergraduates. I want to visit her but i will be working 20-30 hrs a week plus going to summer school and my mother would disown me if i told her about my situation with my ex-TA who happens to be 22 yrs old.( My mother says she is comfortable with the fact that i am gay but she has all these weird stipulations that i have to follow inorder for her to approve like i must date people my own age (18) exactly... it's weird). I don't know what i am going to do about SP she tried to call me today but i was out. I haven't called her back yet as i am fearful of what she might say. I feel the urgency of my situation is growing even though i already made my decision. SP has other plans and AL realizes that. I want her to trust me but i know i can't ask her to do so, not after what i did. i've gotta prove myself in someway, i think i might have to be disowned.

.trip. - .fall. - .bounce. - .ashes ashes . - .we all. - .fall down.

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So I noticed a shit load of people tracking internet dirt through my journal but not leaving me any comments or notes...so hey if your gonna click/sneeze and wipe your dirty internet germs all over my lapel the least you could do is leave me friggin note or comment... I don't like ghost traffic. Its not polite. And for those of you who leave me a comment, note, and/or guestbook entry thank you in advance! Don't have time you say? Well, then you could just give me a hug (see above). That only takes a second. Thanks!

............................................................................................I trail off in one sentence out of five

..........................................................................and the rest of the time I just.....

.......................................................................................................................mumble...............................................

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moon phases