I invented a dance it is called the velociraptor.

2003-10-02 - 12:06 a.m.

voco te, vocare vocatum, et tu *omitted

mea amica amo te, amabo te.

I call you, to call the urgent call, and you my love's name

my "female friend" I love you, I shall love you/please.

si tu, Me or in ver, hiems, aestas, et autumnus.

if you, Burn me into the spring, the winter, the summer, and the autumn.

non sentio adure hic.

I do not perceive this scorch (i won't feel the physical pain you cause me)

sed si me non eris cum, ero.

but If you will not be with me, I will.

hic.

This.

iuro conorari.

I swear/promise to try/change.

sed mea verbum agnosco esse non satis.

But my the word I recognize to be not enough.

amabo te, sin me demonstrare te possum esse bonus homa.

I shall love you/ please, allow me to show to you I am able to be a good person.

da me alius fors

Give me other the chance

etsi agnosco non mereo id

although I recognize I do not deserve/have right to it

amabo te,da me alius fors. potero

i shall love you/ please, Give me other the chance. I shall be able.

et scio non posse retro ire erga *omitted

And I know to not go backwards towards my ex

et me numquam arbitrium

And i never will.

habeo prospicere pro numera uni

I have to look out for/on behalf of number one

necesse ante egens

Needs before needy

quando dicebas tu etiam me necessitas

When you said you also needed me

Qui gravis ut mea

it is heavy/significant to me

This is a song i wrote for my love and the first one i can actually play guitar and sing at the sametime to (in a foreign language go figure). About my crappy latin: i didn't bother to figure out the declensions/conj:demostratives/etc. or anything. loosely translated.

She never let me play it for her. She still isn't talking to me and i am getting really weak about it. I dunno what to do... i dunno what i did... i don't know where the fuck i am anymore with her. My only form of communication with her (which is pathetic) is AIM, AIM for crying out loud are we children? yes.. and not even direct IMing just away messeges. I fucking hate AIM now. I feel like such a tool. I leave her these loving messages and she just puts up something like "Everyone can fuck off and die, cuz i'm tired of this bullshit. I'm done. >:O" and i wonder to myself why doesn't she just say bucket:(that's what she calls me i call her carrot no reason really) you can fuck off and die in hell and i hate you and you disgust me and i want nothing more than to know that your dead.>:) <--note the air of bitchness on the little smiley. Yeah i am pretty fucked up right now just on myself which is my worst addiction for sure. Today she kinda broke for a minute she gave me the impression she was sad. Which is weird for me to say being that all i get from her is away messeges but she said "With these final words, I pull the switch

We turn to dust Dust to Dust My name is like the kiss of death, then we embrace" misfits... hmmm.... i know that song.... we have listened to it before together in better times..... fuck i love her. god fucking damn my soul for all eternity. i wish i could just let go, or forget or not love her but i do and i realize i have never loved anyone before her. i really should try to stop swearing. i sound so dumb.

today as i was walking to the one class i went to, i was a mess, as this is the one class i see her before but i knew she wouldn't be there. As i walked up the big encumberance to class every step was like war, and i just wanted to jump into the street or roll down the hill. I couldn't breath and i was teeter toddering like a cup of water on the edge of tears. I keep saying pretend it's just the wind, pretend it's just the wind, pretend pretend pretend do it do it, pretend it's just the wind. I sat where i always would waiting for her like some kind of cheap memorial on the side of the road, i felt like lighting a candle and putting it out on my forehead. So i went in side when jon (my friend who sits with me now trying to help me stop looking for her) said it's time to go. i was sitting in the back as usual in the small recitation, and i was just writing her a letter that i would probably never send her and i started to cry and i had no wind to pretend with so i looked up and closed my eyes. Just tried to think of happy things but all i could think of was obvious, her, she. I couldn't stop my eyes, i started to gently tap my head against the wall.... until my release was seased by unwelcome hands stopping me. those hands use to be hers she use to stop me from doing these strange things that i do when i hurt so bad i just want to smash it out. but now she wants me to smash it out, but not to be released just so i can feel more pain. i am done for now. i have to sit in my bed with my eyes open until the alarm clock goes off.

.trip. - .fall. - .bounce. - .ashes ashes . - .we all. - .fall down.

(click on the number to add a comment)

Don't Make Me Hug Myself, I'll Do It!


*HUGS* TOTAL! give lesbfriends6 more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own

............................................................................................I trail off in one sentence out of five

..........................................................................and the rest of the time I just.....

.......................................................................................................................mumble...............................................

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